What would an alternative response to domestic violence look like to you?
What would an alternative response to domestic violence look like to you?
Written by Toni Jackson, Director of Community Response with Policing Alternatives & Diversion Initiative
“Ma’am, there is no physical evidence to support your claim of domestic violence, so there’s really not much we can do here.”
Those were the words an officer said to me in the disheveled bedroom of the home I shared with my ex-husband on the night he choked me in a fit of rage.
As a survivor of domestic violence, I stand in solidarity with other survivors who have been stigmatized, disregarded and further victimized by law enforcement response. While I can acknowledge in some circumstances, law enforcement may be necessary for safety reasons; it is also proven their presence may escalate the situation, sometimes resulting in abuser retaliation or even the victim going to jail instead. The distrust that comes from victim blaming, shaming and criminalizing directly affects the ever-growing gap between law enforcement and the community, especially marginalized communities.
In my case, it was clear the officers did not believe me nor care for my wellbeing; they lacked concern, compassion and empathy and more so treated me like a nuisance. I was terrified of what might happen if my ex-husband returned to our home that night. Law enforcement’s typical response is to file a restraining order; unfortunately, a piece of paper does not actually protect victims and in many cases further escalates the abuser’s violence, sometimes resulting in lethal tragedies. In violent cases with the mention of a weapon, a trained crisis response team should co-respond with law enforcement and together they can provide a safe and trauma-informed environment to de-escalate and intervene. I absolutely would have contacted an alternative response if one had been available to me at the time, preferably one staffed with mental health professionals and linkage to financial, legal, and safe housing resources.
“I have no job, no money, no family. He provides everything for me and my kids, where are we supposed to go?”
Those were the words a hopeless young lady said to me while asking strangers for monetary donations in front of a grocery store.
The most common question domestic violence survivors get asked is “Why didn’t you just leave?” The truth of the matter is domestic violence is multifaceted and does not begin or end with just physical harm. Isolation from support usually occurs and financial control and manipulation is usually present. Not to mention all the barriers victims face while trying to flee; shelter beds are scarce and twice as scarce if you have multiple children. Along with an alternative response team, we need immediate and safe respite options for individuals actively fleeing domestic violence. To gain employment and financial stability, we need connection to free or affordable childcare programs, and we need transportation assistance. Response to domestic violence can’t just end with de-escalating and separating the parties involved. There is a community-wide responsibility to help establish stability in their lives, so they aren’t forced to return to a violent situation for “survival”.
“He’s only like this when he drinks, if he would stop drinking, our family would be OK.”
I would be remiss to not highlight substance use and how it can exacerbate the cycle of domestic violence; especially in marginalized communities where economic, environmental and emotional pressures are particularly rampant. While it’s clear the criminal legal system has been unproductive with breaking this cycle, it remains unclear how to address the abuser and get to the root of their behaviors. Most victims have no desire to destabilize their families and homes, another reason they stay and endure. If the goal is to break the cycle and heal our families, abusers should be afforded the opportunity to learn healthy coping strategies by attending peer led groups and programs detached from court ordered intervention and the stigmas associated with them. Mental health and substance use resources are necessary not solely for victims of domestic violence, but also for the abuser to explore, heal from, and correct their violent behaviors.
It is obvious the dismissive tone of law enforcement’s response to domestic violence can be life threatening at its worst and ineffective at its best. An alternative response requires trained and culturally sensitive crisis intervention teams, immediate respite options, restorative mediation and safety plans, as well as ongoing connection to resources for mental health, substance use and financial assistance. While response to domestic violence is not a one size fits all model, introducing and providing these core necessities would prove beneficial to most families. The dangerous times of suffering in silence must end. It is time to bring awareness, educate ourselves, and demand change for the better. Our communities deserve better, survivors of domestic violence deserve better.